Eye Openers

There has been a lot on my mind lately. First and foremost has been trials and blessings. I try to figure out how these fit into my life on a daily basis. They can be simple trials and simple blessings, such as why I can't keep my house clean or the miracle that I tried a new recipe for dinner and nailed it. The more intense trials and blessings stick with me for a little bit longer and seem to always be in the back of my mind. I constantly think about my schooling and wonder if I will ever finish. I wonder where my family will end up. I wonder what kind of job my husband will work at. I wonder why we've had to move eight times in less than three years. I wonder why money has to be stressful. I wonder why insurance is so difficult. I wonder why it is so hard to stay organized. I compare my failures and struggles to other's successes.

The blessings in my life come to my mind often as well, but maybe not as often as they should. I think about how wonderful my little family is. How grateful I am that I was able to get pregnant. I think about how beautiful and sweet my little baby Zaydree is. I think about how lucky I am to be able to have a successful business doing something that I love. Lucky that I am able to complete some schooling. Lucky to be a wife. Lucky to be a mom. Lucky to live in a place that feels like home. Lucky to have a strong testimony of the gospel. Lucky to be able to live to close to family. Lucky to have such an amazing husband, family, and in-laws. Grateful for my good health and the health of my family. 

Anyone could compare my trials and blessings and probably tell me that my blessings outweigh my trials considerably. And you know what? They are completely right. Any single one of my blessings can give me a label as someone that is "lucky". 

As observed by my husband, I've been on a "read-all-the-sad-things" kick lately. I like to think of them more as "eye-openers". He often catches me reading blogs of those whom I am friends with, acquaintances, or complete strangers. They are usually posts that are explaining particularly difficult hardships and trials. I find that I get pulled into their story and can't help but imagine myself in their situation. Not once have I ever thought while reading these posts, "oh, I could handle that". In fact, it's usually the quite opposite. I cannot imagine having to face so much sorrow and torment. I don't think that I could handle it. I could not handle having a loved one battling death or passing away. I could not handle having a miscarriage. I couldn't handle having major health problems with my baby, my beloved spouse, or myself. I could not handle a divorce. I could not handle so many things that others have to deal with. 

I guess that I am afraid. I am afraid that I haven't had these particular trials and am afraid that one day I will have to face one or even several. Trials that have been set apart by me as only those that happen to other people can certainly happen to me, as I'm sure that others that have been affected thought the same thing. 

I have found comfort in the Savior. I have found comfort in prayer. I have found comfort in the scriptures. 

1 Ne 3:7
7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

1 Cor 10:13
13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it]. 

Alma 13:28

28 But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering;

We will never be given a trial that will be more than we can bear. I wonder about these scriptures a lot because I really do feel that if I have to face any of those "unbearable" trials, I won't be able to do it. There is no way. But I do have faith that my Savior will never leave my side. And I do have faith that he can bear some of my burdens that I can't bear, which makes sense to me because I don't know how else I could bear them. While it is hard for me to think about ever having to go through these hardships, and I can't say that I know I will be able to handle them, I know that I am blessed with considerable faith and will be able to have faith that I will be able to make it through with the help of the Savior.